Dictionary of Shoes
Chunky Heel Pump: The rule is: The chunkier
the leg, the chunkier the heel.
Slingback: In a fleshtone color, this shoe is sexy and slimming.
Stiletto Slide: Pick one that's cut lower in front to lengthen your leg line and show off your cute toes.
Bad Mule: Cut too high, mules have leg shortening effect.
UGG Boot: The bigger the shoe, the thinner your leg will look.
Good Mule: Cut lower, the mule is a graceful, ladylike shoe that won't break up the line of your leg.
D'Orsay Pump: The ultimate skinny shoe.
Bad Mary Jane: Ankle straps "sever" the leg from the foot and make legs look shorter and wider.
Sculpted Heels: They can enhance the grace of a thick ankle.
Ballet Flat: Lower cut is more leg lengthening and more flattering.
Look for: Nude, fleshtone, or neutral colors will blend better with your skin, your hosiery, or whatever you're wearing to extend your leg line and make your gams look longer.
Pointed toes elongate the foot and, ergo, the leg. Round toes are second best. Stay away from square toes entirely - they make your feet look like blocks.
A chunky, curved heel is a good, safe bet as well. Some of the best and most durable chunky heels come from mid-priced stores like Kenneth Cole and Nine West since, let's face it, rich people have little use for chunky heels. (See, the reason super-expensive shoes tend to have toothpick-width heels is because the women who can afford to blow $1,500 on a pair of pumps don't actually have to walk anywhere if they don't want to.)
For fat feet: If you're going to wear street sneakers, pick Converse. They make your feet look tiny.
Pick your battles: You can pick your battles - big shoes like Terry de Havilland platforms (from the 1960s, but reissued last year - they're a fashion it-girl favorite), Doc Martens, or UGGs make your feet and ankles look huge but you legs look thinner. After all, the bigger the shoe, the thinner your leg.
Boots: I've suffered my whole life from a pervasive fear of fall footwear. Since my calves, which measure 15.5 inches around, are bigger than my neck (no joke), I've always thought of myself, pitifully, as a casualty of the boot-making world.
Until last winter.
After spending so many years freezing my big legs off, I'd nearly given up on finding boots that fit. Then, one fateful day, the fashion gods smiled upon me and I found fabulous knee-high boots by Belgian designer Ann Demeulmeester that fit like a glove.
Since then, not only have I become an avid collector of all things Demuelmeester (she makes hats that fit my humongous head too!), but I've been on the hunt for other designer boots that fit larger calves. Cole Haans are pretty darn good too.
Boots are like potato chips. Once you start, you can't have just one.
Top tip: Measure you calves around their widest point, then call stores and ask how wide their widest boots are. This will drive sales staff nutso, but will save you hours in the mall.
The widest calf span I've ever found was a pair of slouchy nappa leather stilettos - they measured eighteen inches around. That's like the size of a cantaloupe! Don't give up people! Big boots are out there!
If you've fallen in love with boots that don't fit, seek out your local cobbler - boots can be stretched as a last resort.
If you're not too keen on the hunt, opt instead for a slightly lower boot - one that ends midcalf. Lace-up boots are adjustable for different calf sizes. And some boots are more sculpted and curvy through the heel, which makes your legs instantly look curvier and sexier, no matter what size they are.
Some great shapes for boots: tall and slouch; riding boots; slim-fitting ankle-covering boots with sculpted stiletto heels.
Socks: For every shoe, there's a sock. Just make sure you can't see it.
Socks that end at your ankles do the same thing ankle straps do - they visually sever your legs at that point. Pick secret socks - ones that hide in your shoes instead. You can get these everywhere. Gap makes some great ones called "Not Socks" but if you can't find any, just fold your socks down into your shoes.
For your own good: Don't wear lace-up ankle boots with skirts. Victorian Shmictorian. Who cares whether it's hot or not - it just looks terrible.
From How Not to Look Fat by: Danica Lo HarperCollins Publisher/Collins Imprint.
